I hate this.

I need someone to tell me I'm good enough as I am. I'm so sick of messing up and constantly doubting myself - I don't need other people doubting me, too. I need someone to tell me in a way that makes me believe that I'm not as screwed up as I think I am.

I'm starting to think that what I am is kind of okay. Not in a cocky way, just, okay, you know? I'm starting to think that my awkwardness and my lack of social grace are good things - they enable me to think clearly and make good decisions without being too emotionally attached. It just sucks when people hate you for those decisions.

All this emoness is about my website going under. I hate it. I don't know what I created - but everyone is obsessive and dependent and a few things got changed around and it was like the world came crashing down for them. It was scary. And its all gone now. They left and they blame me for the downfall. They're blaming the person on the run for the death of someone trampled by the mobs of angered citizens wielding torches and pichforks. Its sad. I feel like somebody died. I hate this so much.

Long story short, they all left and now my site is an abandoned warzone. Its depressing and torn apart and painful to look at. I think I might clean it up and try to recruit new members, but I really don't see the point. Its basically dead now, and the whole thing has left me doubting everything.