How someone with such a seemingly huge personality and ego can always feel so small.
How the slightest criticism can leave them discouraged and doubting themselves.
How you can hate something about yourself with every part of your being, but it still isn't enough to make you change.
I hate that all I can write is emotional teenage bullshit.
I hate that I don't care enough about school to study.
I hate that because of that, I end up sounding stupid.
I hate that I only have a few real friends.
I hate that people always judge me negatively.
I hate that I can't keep a decent conversation going.
I hate that I'm so full of myself, because it is ill deserved.
I hate that I always end up pushing people away.
I hate that I make excuses for myself when I know I'm just lazy and stupid.
I hate that I can't change anything.
I hate that I don't know how to make my dreams reality.
I hate that I see the world so much differently,
because it would be so much easier to just think like them.
[/rant]
I'm out of it this week. Spring Break can't come soon enough.
It Certainly Is Strange...
Posted by Helen at 1:13 PM
Labels: Helen Rose, Randomness
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2 comments:
Almost your entire list applies to me. I'm VERY ambitious, and I want to do so many things... But I never study, only do written homework that needs to be given in or will be corrected (i.e. Homework I HAVE to do.)
I'm extremely lazy and I feel like my life is going nowhere, even though I KNOW I'm still young. In my head I'm already 18, studying psychology, writing novels... I want to be psychologist for teens, because many teens get jobs that their teachers or parents tell them to get because that's what they're good at or it pays well.
So many of them probably have a passion, like writing for you and I, that, possibly, they don't even know about. I want to bring out passion in people. Passion is what makes life worth living.
I want to write novels, lower depression in teenagers and the teen suicide rate, speak 5 languages, get married, have 4 kids, learn about sociology, history (because the way it's taught at my school makes me HATE it), read a LOT. Make an impact on the world.
I kind of pity people who don't have ambition, who don't have a passion, a hobby... I want to help those people find what they love in life and make THAT their job.
I believe that you MUST love your job. It's the worst way to start of your adult life, with a job you hate.
If you wake up in the morning and you have to drag yourself out of bed, things aren't good.
I don't know anyone who has passion at my school... :/ Well, a friend finally figure out that surgery was her passion. She gets excited like a lil' kid on Christmas when she watches Doctor House... Wait. I still get excited on Christmas, but only because I know I'm getting my 20+ books... :)
But my dad has a passion for everything: history, psychology, philosophy, education, economics, politics, languages, cooking, music, writing, poetry, literature, religion (although he's an atheist), science, nature, speaking to strangers (especially ones who are "weird", i.e. normal people like us who are weird to the rest of France... What's wrong with having an Irish name, speaking two languages, having two nationalities and a South African mother, huh?)... And this is what makes him alive and interesting. He has things to say. Things he wants to achieve.
I should really start my own blog for ranting... Anyway, I'm off to do my crazy maths teacher's assignment.
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